“Good night, Frau Schroder”.
Mr. Khemka got up and winked at me to
carry on. Our Frankfurt based
friend Jagtar reluctantly dismounted the tall stool; he didn’t seem ready to
leave the bar after only two drinks. But a health conscious Mr. Khemka
prevailed and diabetic Jagtar had to bid a reluctant good bye. I knew they were
exhausted and immediately left for their room. Mr. Khemka was not eager to
listen to my mundane talk with Hilda; the vivacious bar tender aged about
thirty five, a former communist party spy. Sardar Jagtar Singh didn’t seem to
mind and was curious to know more about Hilda Schroder. The day has seen
grueling long drives, a dreary visit to a ghosted large automobile plant,
concluding in a business meeting extending late in the evening.
A smiling Hilda handed me another drink
looking amusingly at my departing friends. She loved to practice conversing in
English and was seriously taking language lessons like so many former East
Germans. She had a son from her failed second marriage, and was worried about
him as any single mother would be. Our stay in the modest hotel had been about
two weeks long and I somehow managed to develop an admiration for her and
wanted to know more about her life during communist rule in East Germany.
A worried Sardar Jagtar warned me not to
ask political questions; otherwise I was destined to get a suitable thrashing
from hurt and angry former East Germans ex-communists. Mr. Khemka and Jagtar
were greatly amused at my interests in politics, arts and culture. For these
hardcore businessmen, these were just a waste of time and energy. But both
admired my budding friendship and common political, cultural interests with
Franz, the senior German executive. The ideals and concept of soft cultural
power was neither known nor understood in those times.
I found myself alone facing Hilda at the
bar. Most of the guests had preferred to watch and participate in a fashion
show behind next door.
“Do you find my English better than
before?” She asked less haltingly.
“Yes, you have improved a lot in last
few days.” I said admiringly.
“Are you sure?”
“I am damn sure, Hilda.” I assured her,
as she looked suitably disposed to tell me about her past. A very tricky
venture, as she was also prone to relapse in her own thoughts and ignore my
attempts to seek her story. To me, her
sad eyes betray a hard life led under repressive communist rule. Or I thought that
was my own biased presumption, as she might have been very happy leading a team
of welders in a now closed big automobile factory near East Berlin.
“You have been to Frankfurt
many times; do you think I will find some work there?”
It was an innocent question but
difficult to answer for me, being a
foreigner and totally clueless about the employment scenario there. But I knew
a positive reply would certainly edge me nearer to my own selfish motive.
“I am sure, you would, Hilda.”
“What work do you think I could find?”
Hilda seemed eager to know my answer, displaying a childlike curiosity.
“To start with, a bar tenders job, as
you are now.”
“I don’t like it; I want to do something
else.”
“As a welder perhaps, that was your job
in the Berlin factory. Wasn’t it?” I reminded her.
“No. Not that. They are putting up
robots to do, kind of welding work, I used to do. What else can I do there?”
I was again speechless as the repertoire
of her skills and employment, job scenario was not familiar to me.
“I wish Heidi was there to help me.” She
suddenly had moist eyes and voice was laced with strain of suppressed emotions.
That signaled her relapsing to gloomy mood, something, I instinctively tried to
contain by diverting her attention from past.
“What most of your former coworkers are
doing there, these days? May be that can provide some hint.”
“Most of girls work as prostitutes, and
I don’t want to be one.”
I decided to keep my silence, as she turned
and wiped away her tears.
“Heidi was a talented gymnast. Everyone
thought she will win a gold medal for us at the Olympics. She was three years older and I used to feel very
secure when she was around. Now I feel so lost and insecure with no one to
guide me.”
Hilda turned away from me. I asked
without thinking,
‘What happened to her?”
She turned back with visible effort and
replied haltingly.
“She…. died….last year.”
Hilda remained silent for some time with
her elbows resting on counter, face held by her slender hands.
“Do you want to know why and how she
died?”
I couldn’t say yes but wanted to let
Hilda unburden herself. She looked at me to judge my interest in story of her
diseased sister, and must have read my morbid interest oozing out shamelessly.
“Ok. I will be relieved in few minutes,
than we can go the bar nearby and talk.”
I paid my bill and moved to a table and
waited for her to join me. On eve of two holidays, I could afford to retire
late on a Friday, without phone calls and an angry rebuke by my friends. She
came attired in blue jeans and charcoal overcoat.
We walked silently to a nearby
bar. She ordered drinks and led me to a table in secluded corner.
“That man in turban wants to sleep with me,
doesn’t he?”
I was taken aback by her straight question and
remained speechless. But being silent for long was to confirm her assumption;
and a denial I presumed, might lead to many more questions, away from my
dormant quest.
“Who wouldn’t?” My question cum answer made her laugh heartily and then
saw her felt silent. I drank slowly
awaiting for her answer.
“I don’t do it any more…” Her voice was
calm. I tried hard to decipher her words but failed to arrive at any logical
conclusion.
“I don’t understand what you mean…?
“I stopped…being a whore… before joining
this job…” She eagerly tried to explain her answer explicitly. I was not surprised but could not dare to
probe further.
“The hotel would not hire any girl who
sleeps around for money… some girls do it discreetly…but the management keep
their eyes and years open…they fire any one on mere suspicion…it’s their
policy…” Hilda expanded further and looked satisfied on her successful attempt.
“How is my English..?”
“Excellent.” I assured her with a
smile.
“Thank you. I really hated being a whore but could not find any other work for
long…after my second husband went away with a younger women…she my closest
friend …there were no jobs…and I had to pay bills… support my son…so…” She
weakly trailed off with a deep tinge of remorse.
I could only nod and looked away. She
drank, smiled faintly and continued with enthusiasm,
“You know…when I take my English exams
in few months and qualify…I will become an independent tourist guide…and the
money will be far better…”
“I am sure you will be a very
successful tourist guide…but I would expect a hefty discount on my next visit
here…” I tried to cheer her further, feeling happy at the welcome change of
subject.
“I bet you would…and hold a second… I
will do it free for you…okay?” Her laughter was childlike.
“Oh really… Thanks a lot.” I tried hard to
sound cheerful and felt guilty about my dormant desire to get Hilda back to her
sister’s death. She emptied her glass, signaled the waitress and looked at me
mockingly,
“Why are you are drinking very slowly?”
“I have already had two before…” I
tried to justify my measured drinking and probed her softly,
“How was your job as a welder?
“Oh, but I thought you wanted to know
about Heidi?” She looked at me with surprise.
“Yeah, I do, but
you can tell me that later…” I evaded the probing stare, presuming her life as
a welder wouldn’t be harder than the sad tale of her sister’s untimely death.
“It was good in
beginning but later I found it quite boring…but met my first husband Henry there
…we used to work in the same team…he was my first love…I was so happy when we
got married…it was so blissful for three years…but then one day he was gone…”
Hilda turned misty.
I sat still, unable
to sooth her.
“My boss Rudolf, the old leech couldn’t
tolerate him…he wanted me for him alone…I resisted and foolishly reported my
problem to the party…but he was very powerful…the chief party spy of the
factory … he threatened me many times… I said a big no and suffered in a big
way…he charged Henry for spying for the west and sent him to jail…”
“Oh, but how that happened…? I
immediately felt foolish asking such a stupid question, which might make her
angry.
“You don’t know anything about
Stasi…the secret police…?” She was surprised.
“I know a little…” I replied evasively.
“Hmmm that means you know nothing…Stasi
was the hated ghost that ruled our lives completely…even documented how many
times I pissed in a day. My brother was shot dead trying to scale the Berlin
wall.” Hilda was getting agitated. An old couple sitting at the table nearby
looked at her with concern and nodded in agreement. She whispered,
“You know …I become a whore to save
Henry from death…slept with Rudolf and danced naked for his senile friends to
make life easy for Henry in prison…to
send him little money…but could never know what really happened to him…he
vanished…as so many others in those horrible times…I hold myself responsible
for tortures he went through and the death …must have listened to reason and
moved with Rudolf to save my love…but I was young, in love and naïve… didn’t
know my damn beauty was noticed by powerful party men…I envied plain flat skinny women…most of them were
spared the dreadful attentions from the bosses…who seemed to own all the women
working for them… they were less likely
to be asked to stay late hours and endure quickies… it was so difficult being a
beautiful woman in those horrible times…it was a curse…I cut my long hairs
short and wore baggy clothes to turn
unattractive… …but that didn’t make any difference…rather my plight become
worst… I had to attend more night parties in skimpy revealing dresses, endure
severe fondling and sleep with higher party leaders and state guests…some of
them were dirty kinky animals…they scared my body and soul forever…on the way…
become hardened… learned the power game and got close to a top party
leader…made him very happy…and at last took my long cherished revenge on that
old leech Rudolf…he too vanished one cold night like Henry…and I become the chief
party spy at the factory…” Hilda laughed aloud with tears in her large eyes and
signaled the waitress for a refill. I felt bad for probing her past but
outwardly joined her clear laughter.
“Being a spy…that must have been an
interesting job?”
“Initially I hated it, but many might
have suffered if someone else was the chief spy. I helped people by shooting
down crazy stories of minor spies under me, who tried hard to blackmail
innocent women and men … they feared my contacts and couldn’t do anything to
harm me…they did try a lot but failed…Rudolf used to send about three people
every month to prison and so many others were given lesser punishments...so I
must have saved hundreds during five years before the fall of the Berlin wall.
We are so happy that the monstrous wall has vanished.” She was now cheerful and
I firmly decided against probing her sister’s death.
“That’s great…why didn’t you join
politics?”
“I am still a simple girl with no
ambitions…totally unsuitable for politics…and doing that would place me close
to some of those dirty animals who mauled and brutalized me…that would prompt
me to go for more revenge…I want peace and not war…I do get angry reading about
and seeing some rascals on TV…I shifted to this small town…to avoid bumping in
to the demons of my past…”
“Any names to share..?” I blurted and immediately felt bad.
“Sorry…won’t share any dirty names.” She smiled faintly and
continued after a pregnant pause,
“One day I will find out what happened to Henry… where he spent
his last days…and how he died…for that I have to earn good money…I wake up at
nights and miss him…his broad smile…blue
eyes…I crave for him…his touch…feel so alive with his memory…his
dreams…” She closed her moist eyes.
“I am sorry for making you remember bad times…”
“Don’t be sorry…it’s my past…bad and ugly…only hope I will be
happy in future…”
“I am sure you will be…”
“Do you think so? “ She asked innocently.
“Yeah…why not…” I couldn’t say more.
“But now I feel free and that makes me happy…I am not afraid of
dressing up…no one can force me to sleep with…I can sleep with any one I
fancy…that’s a huge change.”
“Oh it’s already ten…got to go…” Hilda opened her purse and called
the waitress.
“It is on me…” I decided to
intervene.
“But I invited you…” Hilda looked at me.
“Still, let me pay…”
“Okay..” Her smile broadened.